The Words That Defined Me – And How I Redefined Them

This piece was written by Sam Colson for Mental Health Matters as part of their partnership with ParaPride on International Day of Persons with Disabilities 2025. It was originally published on Sam's website.

Lazy, stubborn, and immature. Three words my headteacher used to describe me – at just five years old.

Six years later, another word was added: autism. Thirteen years after that: ADHD. But none of these words tell the whole story.

For years, I carried those labels like invisible weights, telling myself they didn’t define me – that I would prove people wrong. But that little thought, tucked away at the back of my mind lingered: why did he see me that way? What if he was right?

I know now that I was wrong to doubt myself. Those words weren’t the truth – just a misunderstanding of something that no one saw yet.

Labels are powerful

I’m a strong believer in the concept of perception being valued more than reality in our society. Labels shape how others see and perceive us and without realising it, they often impact how we see ourselves. When you’re told from a young age that you’re lazy, stubborn, or immature, those words don’t leave you – they fester. They hide in the cracks of your mind and change the way you view your sense of self in the world. They plant seeds of doubt that stay dormant for years.

The problem, however, doesn’t stem from the words themselves, but the assumptions they lead to. It’s human nature to put behaviour we don’t understand down to misbehaving. Instead of asking why someone did something slightly different from the status quo, we dismiss it without thought. What might be labelled as laziness might actually be burnout. Stubbornness could be resilience. Immaturity can often hide creative thought.

If instead of asking ‘what’s wrong with you?’, we instead ask ‘what do you need?’ The world would be a much better place. I can’t change how people view or choose to label me. I can however change how I view those labels now, and by sharing my story, I hope I can encourage some people to think about the words they use.

A letter to my five-year old self

Image: Me, aged 5, on my first day at a new school after my parents moved me following comments made by the headteacher.

I wish that I could go back in time and tell my five-year old self what I now know. It might not have changed how people saw me, but it might have changed how I saw myself. If I could talk to that five year old today, this is what I would tell them:

You’re not lazy. Your brain works differently and it’s beautiful. It may not follow the path of others but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

You’re not stubborn. You have a strong sense of self and when others stare and don’t understand your thought process, it doesn’t mean they shouldn’t try.

You’re not immature. The way you process things is unique and there is nothing wrong with that.

You’ll have moments in your life where you feel put down by others because you’re different. You’ll be told that the way you talk isn’t good enough. The way you think isn’t good enough. The way you act isn’t good enough. You’ll exhaust yourself trying to be someone you’re not, only to realise that being different is nothing to be ashamed of. Thankfully, you’ll learn this lesson quickly because you have some great role models in your life. This will not make the challenges go away, but they will be easier to manage.

You’ll grow stronger, defy all expectations, and meet people you are proud to call your friends.

But sadly, you will never get that Playmobil shop you always wanted… What can I say? Life is hard kid.

You know what though? You’ll find far better things than a Playmobil shop, you’ll find self-acceptance, growth, resilience and people who see you for who you really are and will stand by you through every challenge.